By Cynthia Grosso,
https://charlestonschoolofprotocol.com/
The decline of civility in our society is evidenced by the top news stories, mean tweets, road rage and more. This decline is affecting all members of society, especially our children and youth. So how are we personally doing as far as this is concerned? Are we contributing to the decline or are we working for improvement?
I feel that if asked, most people would say that we are in a decline of civility today. This includes everything from sports, politics, entertainment industry, media, etc. Most people look in amazement at what is going on, not just with the increase in crime, but even in our own everyday lives. Yet when asked if they themselves were civil, I feel most people would tell you they were. Maybe it is time to take a fresh look at civility and our contributions to and benefits of being civil… as you cannot have civilization without civility. So why is civilization in decline?
Because of the preoccupation with cellular phones and the Internet, people are too self-centered and don’t pay enough attention to other people. The T.V. desensitizes viewers to real life. The lines between reality and its T.V. generated imitation become blurred. However, there are many small changes that can make a huge difference in correcting this situation: One can join a club — be it a book discussion, arts & crafts, chess, hiking or biking club. You can talk to your neighbor for 20 minutes. When someone makes a delivery, ask them how they are and really listen to the answer. If you see someone struggling with opening a door, help them with cheerfulness. Leaving your phone in your pocket or purse enables you to observe the real, living world around you and interact with it.
This all starts with manners, which are the basis of civility. The importance of manners seems to have died. That is a problem because manners make one aware of respect for others and cultivating that respect – respect, first for yourself, then for others. There are references in history of the value of manners “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.” also known as The Golden Rule. Thomas Jefferson was noted and respected for his politeness and grace to others — by even his enemies. The Japanese Samurai generals were famous for their politeness and restraint toward each other.
This deterioration in manners is reflected in the little things we do. What used to be common courtesies, today seem to be not-so-common-courtesies. Manners are really a matter of the heart. So how is that working? Do we think we are just too busy to care? Do we just not understand the value of teaching manners to our children? Is living by example something we do? Have we allowed ourselves or our children to be distracted by the cellular device and watching others live their lives rather than living our own?
Every day, we teach people about us, whether we realize it or not, and they are all watching… watching you at work, at home, in the community, with your spouse or with your children. They are watching because they are all hoping somebody gets it right. So let us have a new awareness about ourselves that we are teaching others. Is what they are learning from us giving them hope and improving civility?
Could we live our lives in such a way that we are not just alive but truly living? My answer is “Yes”, and my hope is that we again take a fresh look and be the example of respect for people that gives hope to them. Maybe by watching me walk through this life with graciousness and civility in my words and actions, I can encourage them and give them hope that if I can do it, they can, too. This investment in civility must be intentional and will pay dividends that will benefit your life, family, community, and society for a lifetime.
Cynthia Grosso, an etiquette expert, has appeared on national television programs discussing the importance of knowledge of manners and deportment – especially to social and business leaders and those aspiring to become such leaders. Ms. Grosso owns the Charleston School of Protocol, offering online and in-person classes for adults, teens and younger children and professionals of all backgrounds and endeavors.
